Content Warning: This post talks about suicidality.
If you are currently experiencing active suicidal thoughts please call the
National Suicide Helpline at: 1-800-273-8255
“To the ones who never left me
We’ve been down this road before. I’m so sorry.”- Demi Lovato
If you are currently living with PMDD and haven’t joined some Facebook support groups I strongly suggest you do. On your bad days, they act as a sounding board for your thoughts and ideas. On your good days, they’re an opportunity to lift up another person and remind them that they are not alone in this fight.
“What Do I Do When The Suicidal Thoughts Hit?”
I read this question in one of the groups I follow and was moved by her vulnerability. I started ovulating 2 days ago. Suicidality is par for the course. Every. Single. Month. These feelings niggle at the back of your brain. Her question touched me and so I thought I would share some of the lovely responses she got.
“Reprogram your brain. Replace the thought with three other positive thoughts. Write down what you are grateful for. … .. Try guided meditations on Youtube or take a salt bath. Message me if you keep having these thoughts… I’ve been there and I’ll tell you. You’re not done yet. Hold on.”
How often do we need to hear these words? I often tell my accountability friends that when I start saying, “I’m tired,” it means they should probably check in on me. Consider writing that short phrase on a sticky note on your bathroom mirror. “You’re not done yet. Hold on.”
“I tell myself I am allowed to feel despair. am allowed to feel like existence is too much for me right now, but I am not allowed to pass my pain on to others. This will pass. … For me, giving myself permission to not be okay really helps. When I’m in that frame of mind, beating myself up for it only makes it worse.”
Even medicated, many women still experience intrusive thoughts. The cyclical nature of the disorder perpetuates feelings of hopelessness, an inability to think clearly, or sometimes even an inability to function as a part of the society we belong to. It it human to be exhausted by it. Accepting our reality and working within it is a key part of living a more fulfilling life with PMDD.
“My cycle tracking app is so crucial. I can open it and literally say, ‘Ok, only three more days.. I can make it three days.'”
There are also a few action items you should add to your “when I’m thinking clearly to do list.” I know it is long, but these should be moved to the top. Making time to care for yourself is important. The one I want at the top is a Period Tracking App. Like someone said, they remind you that this is not forever but they also help you be more self-aware. The world is not actually burning down. You are just having a bad day and when your app confirms that, it helps to separate yourself from the intensity of your feelings and look at things more objectively. Me VS. PMDD is a great one. Here’s a link.
These methods should be used in conjunction with any doctor recommended treatments you have been given. Suicidality is not a joke, and if you are feeling that way now, I hope that you will know that you are not alone. Just a little bit longer. You are not done yet, friend.